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We've all heard the old saying, "Laughter is the best medicine," and it is indeed a valid statement. Laughter is contagious, and spreads joy in a healthy way. People love to laugh and usually feel much better when they do. Laughing is truly physiologically therapeutic. It helps the blood to flow, allows the body to relax, and releases endorphins, all of which may decrease a person's level of pain. Laughing can help you to cope during stressful situations. It may also bring a balance to your immune system, thereby helping you to fight off sickness and disease. Studies have also shown that laughter, and a good sense of humor, may help to prevent heart disease and heart attacks. Enjoy!
RETARDED GRANDPARENTS - (this was actually reported by a teacher) We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night --- early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn
his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.
When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I
will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.
The church held a "Marriage Seminar" and the Priest asked Luigi, as his 50th wedding anniversary approached, to share some insight into how he managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Luigi replied to his audience, "Well, I tried
to treat her well and spend money on her. But the best thing I did was take
her to Italy for our 20th
anniversary." Luigi proudly replied "I'm gonna go and get her."
You know, the usual, memory, urinary problems, knees, eyesight, etc., etc. Well, I am a senior and I absolutely refuse to discuss these issues with everyone else. If I have a problem, I find a solution. It is not always the solution that I like, but I handle it the best way I know and I don't discuss it with every person I see on the street that is past 62. No sir.... With this in mind, I bought myself a new scooter. I wanted something that was easy on gas and could zip me to the store and about town. This seems to meet my EVERY need. I love it!
An older couple were lying in bed after an evening celebrating there 50th Wedding Anniversary. The husband was falling asleep,but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to go back to sleep. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite me on my neck."
"Where are you going?" she asked. He answered, "To get my teeth!"
The friend says, "How can that be?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And of course I made a donation to the church...that was $500, and I spent another $500 for the wake, food and drinks, you know. . The rest went for the memorial stone. The friend says, "$22,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how big is it?"
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible! !! ! "You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? " "No, " she replies… ""You just happened to catch my eye."
 OF COURSE I
DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
Hospital regulations require
a wheelchair
for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student
nurse, I found one elderly gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the
bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to
leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he
reluctantly
let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if
his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said.
"She's still upstairs in
the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
AHHHH....I love being a Senior!
"Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy, computers ...." Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the old geezer said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young, so we invented them! What are you doing for the next generation?" ( I love old people! WE do have a lot to offer!!! )
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 plus years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the ambulance!?"God replied, "My child, I am sorry, I didn't even recognize you!
An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his with endearing terms-Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and clearly they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names." The old many hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name about 10 years ago."
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant
one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said,
'"Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?
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About
Elder Options of Texas
Betty's husband dies. He had $30,000 to his name. After everything
is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that
there is none of the $30,000 left. 
I read
this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much,
impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a
perfect day.
A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying it was
impossible for their generation to understand his. "You grew up in a
different world," the student said.